Ahoy Maties! I've been hard at work on a pirate theme the last few months and have written a number of poems on the topic. Most of these appear in my newest book, The Other Side of Normal.
I’ve scoured and scrubbed me hideous hook,
scraped the scum from betwixt me toes,
picked every nit and swabbed both me pits
and plucked the yucky stuff outta me nose!
I’ve brushed me nice yellow teeth (all nine!),
scooped the wax right outta me ears,
patched up the sty on me one crusty eye
and scraped the barnacles off of me rear.
I’ve cleaned me poor carcass from stem to stern
but I’m warnin’ ye now, me friend;
me think it be wise to take this advice;
never call me ‘dirty pirate’ again!
They call me ‘Hammerhead Hannah;
Terror of all Seven Seas’-
My name invokes dread wherever I tread,
it’s mere whisper should make your blood freeze!
I brandish a cutlass in one of my hands,
have daggers and pistols to spare.
I employ ninety-two of the vilest crew
so my enemies don’t have a prayer.
We sack countless ships and make off with the loot
while cannonballs blow them asunder,
then sail the fleet to an island retreat
to take pleasure in all that we’ve plundered.
Anne Bonny and Blackbeard aren‘t nearly as bold,
I put Captain Morgan to shame.
My name will live on long after I’m gone,
and Hammerhead Hannah’s my name!
Gregor the Green
Ahoy, me maties, I’m Gregor the Green!
The vilest swashbuckler you’ve ever seen.
I sail my schooner from Tortuga to Spain
and cruise up and down the great Spanish Main.
A call from the crow’s nest, “Rough waters ahead!”
is a warning which every buccaneer dreads.
Over each wretched wave the ship rises and falls
as salt water splashes and hammers the hull.
Thrown helter-skelter over perilous swells,
tossed over whitecaps and hurled pell-mell.
We navigate deftly each treacherous surge
‘til at last on calm waters our ship does emerge.
Traveling rough waters is my claim to fame,
so how’d I acquire this notorious name?
Wait, hold my pistol, my hat and my sword,
for I must hasten portside and puke overboard!